Because Oi, Hayaku! has gone down, I have taken my posts from OH! and brought them to MANiME for the sake of completion. This was the fourth official post in the blog, titled “The March of the DVDs in the Week Before Christmas”, posted in December 19th, 2008. I hope you enjoy.
Original Excerpt:
A battle waged between those of the Middle Ages,
A question that cannot be answered, even by the sages.
Is it the old ones that we must revere?
Or will the young ones win this year?
A time before Christmas, an era of joy,
What did Maggeh buy? Nay, not a toy!
But something that would give him much more pleasure,
An anime DVD, ay, that’s the treasure!
Into the mall did young Maggeh walk,
And straight to the DVD section, not bothering to talk.
A whole row of bliss did appear before him,
The brilliance of the DVDs made everything else dim.
Neon Genesis Evangelion and Bleach side by side,
While next to Sailor Moon did Midori Days bide,
Karin the Chibi Vampire, the Familiar of Zero,
And Card Captors, with that creature called Kero.
”Oh, what shall I pick? So many to choose!
If I take this one, that one I’ll lose!
Unless someone helps me decide what to buy,
I’ll be so sad that I may start to cry!”
Now, Maggeh was not a very bright lad,
Asked someone for help, he could have had,
But devoid of ideas, this young man was wrecked,
Until the DVDs came to life, unchecked.
”Worry not, young Maggeh!” said Hellsing,
”We’ll give you the advice you’re wanting!
For we exist to make you smile,
And for that we’ll go the extra mile!”
All around Maggeh did the DVDs crowd,
They made a ruckus, they were quite loud.
Yet they remained orderly, until suddenly when,
Gundam Seed bumped into Eureka SeveN.
”Get out of my way,” said the mecha anime,
”Before I decide to do you away.”
And before Maggeh could bring peace to the land,
Things started to get a bit out of hand.
Clannad punched ToHeart right in the face,
While Speed Racer did True Tears disgrace.
Tenchi Muyo screamed at the top of her lungs,
While Inuyasha started ripping out tongues.
During a slight disagreement about a protagonist’s name,
Which both of them sought to claim,
The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi did erase,
The Ouran High School Host Club, from existence, without a trace.
Pokemon and Digimon, while undeniably brothers,
Still fought each other, being from different mothers.
Pokemon did try with all its might,
But little yellow rodents weren’t hard to fight.
When temporarily did they quit,
The DVDs found themselves quite split.
Two factions of warriors stood a glaring,
To move, each side was daring.
One side was led by Astro Boy,
The other side by FMA, which had that guy Roy.
(Granted, there were some in between,
Like Initial D, but being insignificant, they remained unseen.)
The group of two (or three) thus did prepare,
For a massacre, simple and fair.
For one second everything did seem to stop…
Then suddenly, a pin did drop.
In shock Cowboy Bebop shot Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha,
And the rest could only watch in awe.
Then chaos erupted and in a moment’s passing,
Claymore decapitated Gundam Wing.
Prince of Tennis knew not which side to pick,
And was beaten to death by a gigantic stick.
(Which DVD did that deed we are unsure,
But PoT was crap, so no one cares, we can assure.)
”We came first!” Astro Boy did roar,
”Respect us, who existed before!”
FMA countered, “Shut it, you blasted oldie!
You’re so old, your brains have gone moldy!”
”None of you would even be here but for me!”
Wailed the tired old man, NGE,
But his tired old tirades went unheeded,
For his opinions were quite unneeded.
In angst – for that was what NGE was about -
In himself did old NGE doubt.
This grief drove the poor thing insane,
And he killed himself to escape the pain.
With a heave, Azumanga Daioh threw Astro Boy down,
Where the DVD splattered like a pie from a clown.
(And while that might not seem like that big a fall,
Remember, readers, these DVDs weren’t that tall.)
Yet Astro Boy would be avenged,
For Berserk came up and delivered revenge.
Cutting down DVDs left and right,
Oh, what a sight, oh, quite!
The carnage claimed the lives of so many,
And some kid screamed, “MY GOD THEY KILLED KENNY!”
It seemed as if the war would not end,
And that these wounds would never mend.
When suddenly from nowhere appeared a savior,
A halo on her head, such angelic behavior!
Aya Hirano, the Goddess herself, had come to the store,
Having decided that she could take it no more.
”Oh my beloved DVDs, will you not stop?
To see you destroy another, my heart does drop.”
Aya’s words rang true and clear,
And in the eyes of many did form a tear.
Many of them began to lay down their arms,
They were moved by Aya’s lovely charms.
Oh, could this be, a Christmas miracle?
Yeah, right, have you forgotten? This shit’s satirical!
But out of nowhere, out of the blue,
A spear appeared and ran Aya through.
Everybody wondered who could have gone so far,
Why, none other than a copy of Lucky Star!
To have been killed by her own fame, how ironic!
Alas, life is but a bitter tonic.
With Aya deceased, the DVDs raged,
And once more in battle engaged.
Screams rang through the air as DVDs died,
The light bulbs shattered, and some of them fried.
And all while this awesome battle was afoot,
A Canadian clerk wondered what the fuss was aboot.
In the end, after an hour and a half,
The battle was broken up by the security staff.
DVDs lay broken, tattered and battered,
The treasure trove of disks, most of them shattered.
With a sigh, Maggeh stared at the mess,
And chose Code Geass, over the rest.
And thus, amidst the carnage, a lesson was learned,
”Fuck you, Sir William Temple, I’ll stick with modern.”
